


your love's got the best of me (and baby you're making a fool of me)

by Coco_and_Lexi



Category: Little Mix, One Direction (Band), The Wanted (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Harry and Louis are the Vandergeld sisters except they're not sisters and they have sex, Liam is Denise Porter, M/M, White Chicks!AU, i don't wanna spoil the story, starring Niall and Zayn as Marcus and Kevin, um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 05:24:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1169193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coco_and_Lexi/pseuds/Coco_and_Lexi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“All we’ve got to do is spend the weekend in the Hamptons as these girls, nab some information on the kidnappers, and we’re home free!” Huh. The plan didn’t sound too bad when he said it like that.</p>
<p>              Our protagonists had no idea what they were getting themselves into.</p>
            </blockquote>





	your love's got the best of me (and baby you're making a fool of me)

“Get the stuff.” Manuel muttered to his men as they clambered out of the ice cream truck.

His men, Paco and Juan mumbled curses under their breaths while they carted the heavy cartons of ice cream, vanilla to be exact, into the tiny grocery store their friend Miguel was supposed to meet them at. Little did they anticipate to be greeted by two men, who were clearly not Miguel, dancing to “La Cucaracha”.

“Ayyyy hola Manny! Pardon, señor Miguel  couldn’t make it today, but me and mi otra amigo will be glad to seal the deal! Now dance with me papi!!” Pablo (at least that’s what it said on his nametag) exclaimed at the very confused ice cream men while grabbing their hands and twirling them right into the chips aisle.

“All right, all right, enough with the dancing. Do you have the money?” Manuel impatiently replied.

“Well do you have the stuff?” A new heavily, and falsely, accented voice emerged.

Manuel mumbled an affirmative, and FBI Agent Zayn Malik, codename Jorge, then asked him the most crucial question of the mission.

“What flavor?”

Manuel snorted and responded, “Vanilla! Just like you ordered.”

“Vanilla my ass you drug dealing scumbag!” Pablo, aka FBI Agent Niall Horan shouted from behind the poor unsuspecting Hispanic as a fist collided with his face.

Paco and Juan, still dizzy from the spin Niall had took them on, saw him punch their boss and attempted to flee from the scene, but Zayn saw them trying to escape and quickly sprang into action, grabbing both men by the scruffs of their necks and hurling them towards the frozen products section. Pulling out a gun, he orders the pair to stay where they are, and then goes to help a struggling Niall.

“Dammit Niall, why do you always go for the toughest ones?”  Zayn yells as he goes for a knee to the groin of the burly Manuel.

“I don’t know, I like a challenge!” Niall shouts back from Manuel’s shoulders as he tries to take down the alleged “drug dealer”.

Right then, the grocery’s entry bell rings, and three men enter. The apparent leader asks for Miguel, but then, noticing the frozen scene before him, runs right back out the door. Realizing their mistake, Zayn and Niall hopped off poor Manuel’s back and ran after the escaping men, but it was too late, the real drug dealers had already escaped.

. . .

Commander in Chief Paul Higgins sighed as he entered the crime scene. Those idiots had done it again; caught the wrong guy and left a huge mess for the rest of the bureau to clean up. Zayn Malik and Niall Horan, how they managed to become actual feds, he would never know. Ah, speak of the devil…

“Boys!” Paul hollered angrily at the two suited figures who were trying to leave inconspicuously. 

“Shit.” Zayn cursed under his breath as he and his partner reluctantly made their way to their clearly furious boss.

“First things first. Next time you’re given a mission, make sure you get the right guy.” Chief (as Zayn and Niall so fondly called Mr. Higgins) began, but was interrupted when Niall’s phone started to ring.

“Sorry guys, it’s the missus.” Niall half-heartedly apologizes as he presses ‘answer’ on his phone.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” An angry female voice erupted from the phone speakers.

Zayn bit back a smirk and mouthed the word “whipped”.

“Yeah, uh-huh. Lexi, baby-yeah I know. No! Yes. Baby, I’m on a case, Chief is chewing my arse right now, I’ll talk to you when I get home. Love you, bye now!” Niall quickly hung up, his face red.

“As I was saying-“ Paul tries again, but is interrupted yet again, except it’s his own phone that’s ringing this time.

“Hello, Higgins here.” Paul answers.

“Give the phone to Niall, Paul.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Paul promptly hands the phone to Niall, who looks pained as he puts the phone to his ear.

“Hello?”

“NIALL JAMES HORAN YOU GET YOUR CHEATING ASS BACK HOME TO YOUR WIFE BEFORE I-“

Shit, it was Lexi’s annoyingly overprotective best friend Coco.

“Look, Coco, chief’s up my ass right now, so unless you want me to be jobless, and your best friend to be homeless, tell her I’ll talk to her when I get home. Great, okay, I’ll see you lat-YES MA’AM I UNDERSTAND. YES, OK BYE NOW.” Niall looks terrified as he handed chief back his phone, and Zayn is desperately trying to hold back his laughter at his partner’s face.

                Paul looks at them both exasperatedly and says, “I give up. I want a full report of this case on my desk first thing in the morning. Dismissed!”

                As Paul walks away, a pair of simpering suits approach them.

                “Caught the wrong guy again, boys? Nice work Baskin and Robin.” Federal Agent Tom Parker said, his partner Nathan Sykes snickering.

                Niall and Zayn broke out in an obnoxiously loud bout of fake laughter, determined not to let the snobby duo belittle them.

                “Hey that was a good one Parker. Oh wait, or is it Haag, and Daaz?” Sykes said cruelly.

                “Hahahahha you guys are SO funny! Now I’ve got a question for the two of you. When the chief goes to the bathroom, which one of you holds his balls, and which one of you wipes?” Zayn retaliated.

                “At least we’re in his good graces. We get the murder kidnap cases while you clowns are stuck doing protocol!” Sykes bit back, forcing Zayn to back down.

                “Yeah whatever. Let’s just go Zayn.” Niall sighed in defeat.

                They walked out of the shop together in defeat. The both of them knew that all they needed to get back on their feet was one good case, but sadly, they didn’t see one in their near future.

. . .

                When Niall finally made it home, he headed straight for the fridge, hoping that his er, ‘wonderful’ wife of three years had prepared him some semblance of a meal. Alas, all he found one the refrigerator shelf was a cold box of takeout. 

                “Where have you been.” A cold voice said behind him.

                “I told you baby, I was working a case, and then me and Zayn went to a bar to grab a pint or two.” 

               “Nu-uh. I called the bar, they said you left at 7:52. I checked MapQuest, it said that it takes 6 minutes to get here. It’s 8:02 now. So Niall, if you have someone on the side, you better tell me cuz I-“ Lexi screeched at her disheveled husband.

               “Baby, listen to what you’re saying. I left the bar at 7:54. MapQuest says it takes 6 minutes to get here, it took me 7. That leaves 1 minute unaccounted for. If I was having an affair, wouldn’t it take more than 1 minute? Princess, I’m too tired for this, I had a long day, I got shot at, can we not do this tonight?” Niall says, annoyed at his wife’s lack of trust in him.

              “See that’s our problem! We don’t talk enough, we barely talk anymore, you’re always busy.” Niall tuned out the voice of his paranoid wife before falling sleep on the chair he was sitting in.

. . .

             The next day Zayn is trying to convince his reluctant teammate to come with him to ask the chief for the case that was being briefed in the meeting room.                                                                                                                                

             “Please mate, this could be it! Our big break!” Zayn pleaded.

            “But Zayn, you know chief doesn’t like it when he’s interrupted during a briefing!” Niall trie.

             “Do you want Parker and Sykes to get the case? Do you want to forever be the laughingstock of the FBI? Well, do you?” 

             “Uhm…no?”

            “Exactly! Now let’s go in and tell chief we are going on that case!””

 

          If looks could kill, our protagonists would be dead by now by the glare their boss was shooting at them. 

             “What?!”                                                                                                                                        

             “Uh…Niall has something to ask you!” Zayn quickly pointed over at Niall who was cowering behind Agent Perrie Edwards (“When did he get there?” Zayn thought to himself).

             “Oh, I uh, chief! Uhm…we were just wondering if you would give us the case…you know, the one that’s being briefed?” Niall asked, suddenly feeling like a right fool in front of all these _real_ feds.

             To his surprise, a huge grin broke out on Paul’s face. The case he was briefing involved a kidnapper who had a reputation for kidnappping young, unsuspecting rich people. His next victim was said to be the Nelson sisters, Jade and Jesy, a pair of snobby, rude, and completely spoiled sisters. Understandably, no one wanted the job of escorting the brats to their hotel in the Hamptons and keeping an eye on them for a few weeks.  Paul was worried they’d have to give the case up, making _him_ go on the case. Then those idiots showed up and volunteered to do it! He could not have been happier.

           “Sure boys! You got it!” Paul replied brightly, shocking Niall into silence.

           “Wait…really? We got the case?” Zayn asks, as Niall was clearly unable to.

          “Yup, pick up the girls at LAX tomorrow morning and the rest will fall into place afterwards. Thanks boys, dismissed!” 

. . .

            Niall and Zayn could not believe their luck. The chief had trusted them with an actual case! The following morning, they arrived at the airport and waited for the Nelsons to arrive. 

            “What do you think man? All we got to do is drop these girls’ asses off at the Hamptons and we’re back in the chief’s good graces!” Niall exclaims happily. His partner however doesn’t look too tickled.

             “Well you know what I think? This babysitting gig sucks. I wanna be out on the streets where all the action is!” Zayn whines.

                  “Calm down Paki Chan, we’ll get there. Right now, all we’ve got to do is deliver their white asses to the Hamptons and we’re done! And look, here they are.” Niall said, pointing at a private jet that was arriving at the dock.

                    Zayn and Niall quickly arrived to greet the girls. Jade looked at Niall, squealed, and said,

                    “I didn’t know Ellen would be here to pick us up!” 

                    Niall looked at his partner, eyebrows raised, and replied.

                    “Um I’m not Ellen ma’am. I’m Niall, and this is my partner Zayn. We’re here to escort you to the Hamptons?” 

                    “Oooh! Here then, take Hatchi, the poor thing didn’t take his colonic and pooped all over his cage. Where’s our ride?” A new deeper voice, (Jesy, Zayn guessed) answered demandingly.

                   “Right this way ma’am.” Zayn said through gritted teeth, leading the bitchy pair to the car.

                  Niall made to enter the front seat, but was instead met by Hatchi.

                   “This is kind of my seat? Zayn?” Niall questioned.

                   “Sorry mate, he got the seat first.”

                    “Then where the hell am I supposed to sit?”

                   “This isn’t right!” Niall yelled from the trunk, stealthily avoiding a bright pink suitcase hurdling straight at his face.

                     Zayn laughed, started the car, and made his way down the highway, ignoring the discussion involving some other socialite named Lewis? Loo-ee? and how he hated her because she slept with his boyfriend. All of a sudden, Hatchi flew out the window (damn open windows, why didn’t he think to close them?). Zayn quickly grabbed the leash, but simultaneously swerved into the northbound lane whereas he was going southward. 

                    Jesy screamed, and Jade gasped loudly as Zayn turned the car quickly, and right into a small ditch. When the metaphorical smoke cleared, Zayn turned around and called,

                   “Is everyone okay? Niall?”

                    Niall simply groaned from underneath the Minnie Mouse patterned dog cage.

. . .

                    “AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”  Two identical shrieks came from the hotel bathroom.

                Niall and Zayn quickly ran into the bathroom, only to be greeted by a furious Jesy and a sobbing Jade.  

                “What happened?” Niall asked.

               “LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO US? DO YOU EXPECT US TO GO TO THE HAMPTONS LOOKING LIKE THIS?” Jesy screamed, pointing at the still slightly bleeding scar on her upper lip and her sister’s forehead. 

                Huh, Zayn thought, those must have got there during impact. Meanwhile, Niall was trying to persuade the hysterical girls to still go to the Hamptons despite their injuries.

            “Please ladies! They’re not even that bad?” Just as Niall was saying that, Zayn got an idea.

              “I am so. frikking. pissed! I’m gonna write a letter to your supervisor!” Jade cried while pulling out a paper and pen from God knows where.

               “They look fine! Just put some make up on it, no one will even notice!” Niall tries again.

             “Actually, they’re quite awful. Maybe you might wanna consider plastic surgery?” Zayn asks, smirking at Niall’s incredulous expression.

               “We need surgery? Again? NOOOOO!!” Jade cried while her sister hugged her.       

               “Here’s what you two need to do. Stay here. Stay at the hotel, do whatever you want. Just do not leave this room for the rest of the weekend all right?” Zayn tells them.

              The Nelsons barely get to nod an affirmative before Niall is dragging Zayn into the mini kitchen.

                “What the hell are you doing Zayn? Chief’s going to kill us if he finds out the girls aren’t at the Hamptons! And if he finds out we got them in a car crash…” Niall made a slicing gesture against his throat. Suddenly, he started taking off his tie and climbed up on a chair, and tried to tie the tie (ehehehe) around his tie around the curtain hook.

                “Niall what the fuck are you doing.” Zayn’s words came out as more of a statement than a question.

                “Killing myself before the chief does.”

               “Come on don’t do that. Besides I’ve got an idea.” Zayn says notoriously before picking up his phone and dialing a number.

. . . 

                Twenty minutes later, a group of college aged kids enter the room, ignoring the still sobbing socialites as they made their way towards an excited Zayn and a confused Niall.

                Throwing a wig at Niall, the leader of the group, an Asian by the name of Carl, dragged away a thrilled Zayn. 

                An hour or so later Zayn came out of the makeshift tent that was set up, looking like…oh no. No no no no no no! Niall thought. He couldn’t be serious. 

               “So how do I look Ni?” Zayn spoke with a high voice, twirling his skirt around.

               “Like….Jade Nelson…” Niall muttered incredulously. Wait a minute, did he expect him to dress up like a girl too?

                As if on cue, Carl grabbed a hesitant Niall and dragged him off to the tent. A shit ton of makeup and under-sized high heels later:

               “OH MY GOD I HAVE TITS. AND THEY’RE HUGE!” Niall squealed with glee. Maybe Zayn’s stupid ass plan might work.

               “All we’ve got to do is spend the weekend in the Hamptons as these girls, nab some information on the kidnappers, and we’re home free!” Huh. The plan didn’t sound too bad when he said it like that.

               Our protagonists had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

. . .

              

 

**Author's Note:**

> First story!!! I hope you guys enjoyed this first part. Please tell me in the comments if this is worth continuing or not :)


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